Most of us have asked this question sometime in our lives. It is a question fraught with pain, confusion, disillusionment and exhaustion. It usually comes on the heels of waiting a painfully long period of time while we hoped a potential partner would find the way to maintain a stable love relationship with us.
We ask the question when our hearts tell us that we are deeply loved. The truth repeatedly comes close only to pull away. We question our sense of reality. We ask ourselves if we imagined it all or if it was real. It is one of the most painful and sometimes humiliating experiences that we as humans can endure at the hands of someone we trust with our hearts.
Unless your loved one has gone off to war or there is a physical reason to not be with you, the answer is almost always NO. We all know in our hearts that to continue to wait is probably going to bring us more pain, of which we have typically already suffered enough. Waiting is not natural in life. Waiting is stifling and painful and we all know that we are meant to live our lives to the fullest. So how do we move forward, how do we not give up on someone, yet go on with our lives as a practical matter?
The answer is simple: make plans. Decide that until the person takes action, your life will always move forward. Not waiting doesn’t mean giving up hope, or that you can’t always hold that person in your heart, or love him deeply.
It simply means that until your potential partner learns or chooses to take the actions necessary to make a relationship work, you will go forward with your own life. It means staying true to what you want. It means in the midst of pain we remember to love ourselves; this is how we get in touch with our own desires again. We remember that our pain counts and acts as our own personal GPS system, telling us something important about how we arrived at our present location. Our pain is an indicator that this person may not be the right one.
Sometimes as women we become distracted by worries about being beautiful, smart or sweet enough to win over our lover. We forget to consider whether this person’s performance in a relationship meets our own standards. In the process we get lost, our internal GPS gets confused and we make decisions to stay in relationships that are not in our best interest.
The great news is that when we focus on our own lives, the answers become self-evident. The pain we carried in our hearts like a ten-pound roast disappears! The sun shines and we know joy in day-to-day activities. We flirt with the guy in line at the coffee bar, and we realize that we simply went off course and became temporarily lost on our journey. Our emotions are our perfect emotional GPS system. If it hurts too much and too often, we are probably off course in our choice. Lovers sometimes return, and when they do we can determine at that time if they are the right person for us.
Remember to be the hero in your own life and love story. Often the greatest love we can experience is the love we give ourselves. No remorse, no mistakes, no regrets. We can simply learn and move forward on our life journey. Be gentle with yourself and always appreciate the gifts already in your life and your heart will be warmed.